Chapter 147: “The Teaching Disaster”
By the next morning, Li Ming’s peaceful breakthrough had already become a legend.
Across both sects, disciples whispered reverently:
> "He balanced Yin and Yang with one hand."
"He tamed a Spirit Core without dying."
"He even breathed in perfect rhythm with the Dao."
By noon, someone added:
> "He taught a tree to meditate."
That last part was false, but the tree did look calmer lately.
---
Headmaster Yan Luo arrived before dawn, robes flaring dramatically.
"Li Ming!" he barked.
Li Ming blinked, half-dressed and mid-yawn. "It’s... six in the morning."
"Exactly. Prime time for discipline! After your recent ’success,’ I’ve decided you’ll conduct a public lecture on energy control!"
Li Ming froze. "...Me? Teach?"
"Of course. Who better to instruct young minds in restraint than the person who constantly breaks logic but never dies?"
Bai Guo perched on his shoulder. "You’re about to traumatize education."
Yin Qing appeared, fully armed and already regretting being there.
"Please tell me this isn’t mandatory."
The Headmaster smiled. "It’s cross-sect compulsory."
She groaned. "So, mandatory and catastrophic."
---
By midmorning, over two hundred disciples from both Azure Sky and Evil Academy gathered in the central courtyard.
Half the students sat straight-backed, glowing with righteousness.
The other half slouched dramatically, their demonic qi forming aesthetic shadows.
Li Ming stood before them, utterly expressionless, holding a cup of tea that somehow refused to spill despite the wind.
"Lesson one," he began calmly, "qi is like social interaction: force it, and someone cries."
The crowd blinked.
A hand shot up. "Senior Li Ming, which scripture is that from?"
"It’s not," he said. "It’s from observation."
Another disciple whispered, "Profound! He’s transcending doctrine!"
Li Ming sighed. "No, I’m just saying you all overcomplicate breathing."
---
He sat cross-legged, gesturing for them to do the same.
"Now—focus. Don’t cultivate. Don’t think. Just exist."
For ten seconds, silence.
Then, chaos.
One Azure Sky disciple fainted.
An Evil Path student started laughing uncontrollably.
A third began emitting smoke.
Yin Qing pinched her nose. "What are they even doing?"
Bai Guo whispered, "I think one just achieved enlightenment by accident."
The Headmaster leaned in, fascinated. "Impossible! Enlightenment from sitting still?!"
Li Ming opened one eye. "No, that one’s just overheating."
---
After ten minutes, a brave disciple asked, "Senior Li Ming, when do we start circulating qi?"
"When you stop trying."
The courtyard fell silent.
Another disciple whispered, "But if we stop trying, how do we cultivate?"
"Exactly," Li Ming said, taking a sip.
Their eyes widened in collective horror.
Yin Qing whispered, "You’ve just created an existential paradox."
"Good," he murmured. "That’ll keep them quiet for a few hours."
---
But the silence didn’t last.
Suddenly, one student shouted, "I think I understand! To do nothing is to do everything!"
Another yelled, "Then doing everything must be doing nothing!"
They both started meditating aggressively.
Their combined spiritual energies clashed and detonated—
a harmless puff of glittery qi smoke rising like confused fireworks.
Li Ming blinked, unimpressed.
"Congratulations. You’ve discovered philosophy bombs."
Yin Qing glared. "They’re going to start a cult."
Bai Guo added cheerfully, "Too late. They already named it ’Sect of Passive Aggression.’"
---
By afternoon, the entire courtyard looked like an enlightenment battlefield.
Some disciples floated, others snored while glowing faintly, and one started negotiating with a flower about moral balance.
Headmaster Yan Luo was speechless.
Elder Mu Qing from Azure Sky was halfway through writing a resignation letter.
Li Ming stood up, brushed off his robes, and bowed slightly.
"Class dismissed."
Yin Qing stared. "You call that teaching?"
He nodded. "They’re calmer now."
She looked around. "They’re either asleep, crying, or having philosophical seizures!"
He smiled faintly. "Better than fighting."
Bai Guo flapped. "Success through confusion!"
---
That night, both sects released an official announcement:
> The Cross-Sect Lecture of Li Ming has concluded successfully.
Outcome: 47 minor breakthroughs, 3 emotional breakdowns, and 1 tree that achieved sentience.
Li Ming read it over dinner and nodded.
"Reasonable result."
Yin Qing sighed. "You’re a natural disaster disguised as a tutor."
He shrugged. "At least I’m efficient."
---
By the next morning, the Academy of Elegant Malevolence was vibrating with the calm intensity of... people trying way too hard to stay calm.
Rumors had spread like wildfire through incense smoke:
> "Senior Li Ming taught the secret of effortless ascension!"
"He said: to do nothing is to do everything!"
"So, if we out-nothing each other, we’ll ascend faster!"
Someone even printed the phrase on banners.
In glowing gold letters, the new slogan read:
"Stillness Is Strength. Competition Is Optional — But Mandatory."
---
Li Ming arrived at breakfast to find an arena being prepared again.
Yan Luo looked far too excited.
"Today we shall test comprehension through practice! A Meditation Tournament!"
Li Ming froze. "A what?"
"Each disciple will demonstrate their understanding of your teaching: the Art of Doing Nothing!"
He stared at the Headmaster as if diagnosing a disease.
"Did you just invent competitive apathy?"
Yin Qing, sipping tea beside him, murmured, "At least it’s safer than your last lesson."
Bai Guo flapped his wings. "Give it an hour."
---
The courtyard had been converted again—this time lined with cushions, bells, and an enormous gong labeled ’Please Don’t Touch (Serious Cultivation Happening)’.
Disciples took their places like Olympic finalists.
Azure Sky sat straight-backed, radiating holy composure.
The Evil Path lounged artistically, radiating menace and eyeliner.
A referee from each sect stepped forward.
"Round One!" shouted the announcer. "Longest Silent Breathing!"
A hush fell.
A full minute passed.
Then someone coughed.
A referee shouted, "Disqualified!"
Another disciple sneezed—
"Disqualified!"
Within five minutes, half the contestants had been eliminated for breathing with intent.
Li Ming rubbed his temples. "They’ve weaponized meditation."
---
Now the challenge was emotional rather than physical: whoever showed the least reaction to outside temptation would win.
To test them, the referees unleashed distractions—illusions, music, even spirit beasts performing dance routines.
An Evil Path cultivator remained motionless as a tiger did cartwheels in front of him.
Azure Sky’s Lu Feiyan, however, twitched when someone whispered, "Righteous people can’t multitask."
"Disqualified!" yelled the referee.
Yin Qing leaned closer to Li Ming. "They’re treating serenity like a sport."
He shrugged. "That’s cultivation for you. Someone always has to compare enlightenment speed."
---
By the third round, only three disciples remained—two demonic prodigies and one confused Azure Sky rookie who’d accidentally fallen asleep sitting up.
The test: "Who Can Remain Unmoving While Their Qi Is Provoked?"
Referees released small spiritual ripples to agitate them.
Flames danced, wind howled...
And the rookie snored straight through it.
Yin Qing blinked. "Is he—?"
"Asleep," Li Ming confirmed. "Pure unconscious balance."
The ripples failed to disturb him.
Instead, they stabilized around him.
The entire arena’s spiritual flow shifted, harmonizing with the snorer’s rhythm.
Yan Luo gasped. "He’s cultivating in his sleep! Revolutionary!"
Li Ming muttered, "That’s just low blood pressure."
Still, cheers erupted.
The rookie was hoisted up as a genius of passivity, drooling heroically.
---
For the finale, competitors had to spontaneously demonstrate not-doing.
"What does that mean?" someone whispered.
"Exactly," answered the referee.
The Evil Path contestant began levitating upside-down to "transcend thought."
The Azure Sky finalist tried to chant no mantra.
Li Ming, who had been dragged in as guest judge, simply sat cross-legged again.
Everyone stared.
His qi remained utterly still—no fluctuation, no glow, no aura—just calm neutrality.
Then, slowly, the tournament’s grand barrier began absorbing the surrounding spiritual energy, equalizing automatically.
Yan Luo’s jaw dropped. "He’s cultivating by existing."
Bai Guo whispered, "He’s not competing, he’s buffering reality."
When the glow faded, Li Ming opened one eye. "Did I win?"
"You were the judge," Yin Qing said flatly.
He thought about that, then shrugged. "Good enough."
---
By evening, the courtyard was littered with meditating disciples, most too confused to move.
An official decree was issued that same night:
> Henceforth, the Art of Doing Nothing shall not be practiced in group form without professional supervision or snacks.
Yin Qing cornered Li Ming later.
"So your teaching caused a sect-wide meditation riot. Again."
He nodded.
She sighed. "You realize they’ll try to publish a manual now?"
"Already did," he said, holding up a scroll titled ’The Passive Path — A 0-Step Guide to Enlightenment.’
Bai Guo added proudly, "Chapter One: Don’t."
To be continued...