Chapter 146: The Rumor of Enlightenment Soup
By morning, the valley was chaos.
Not the dangerous kind.
The marketing kind.
Dozens of disciples from both sides had set up makeshift stalls, shouting:
"Elder Li Ming Enlightenment Broth! One bowl per person—no enlightenment refunds!"
"Try our limited edition Nascent Noodles! Guaranteed to unlock your potential or your stomach!"
Li Ming woke up to the smell of profiteering.
He blinked, rubbed his temples, and muttered, "I leave you people alone for one night..."
Bai Guo fluttered onto his shoulder. "Descendant, congratulations. You’ve achieved the most feared realm of all."
Li Ming frowned. "Which realm?"
"The Commercial Path."
---
Yin Qing appeared carrying a stack of papers. "You’re trending."
He raised an eyebrow. "On what?"
"The Sect Information Scroll Network. Someone illustrated you sitting cross-legged, ladling soup into the mouths of weeping cultivators."
"Artistic liberty?"
"They titled it ’The Benevolent Soup Saint of Azure Evil.’"
Li Ming stared at her. "That’s... oxymoronic."
"Apparently you cured three people’s bottlenecks and two people’s lactose intolerance."
Bai Guo coughed violently. "And one cow ascended, I heard."
Li Ming sighed. "Good. The cow earned it."
---
A crowd gathered around his tent.
"Senior Li Ming! Please sell official Enlightenment Soup again!"
"Teach us your recipe, Master of Harmony Cuisine!"
"Can you sign my ladle?"
He tried to refuse. "It wasn’t a Dao, it was an accident."
The crowd gasped.
"True humility!"
"He calls enlightenment an accident! So profound!"
Yin Qing pinched him sharply. "Stop talking. You’re making it worse."
He glared. "How am I making it worse by being honest?"
"Because your honesty sounds like ancient wisdom!"
---
To prove he hadn’t invented a new cultivation path, Li Ming decided to cook again—properly, this time.
Plain porridge. No spirit beasts, no qi herbs, no enlightenment.
Simple.
Or so he thought.
When the pot boiled, the porridge shimmered faintly gold.
One spoonful, and the Evil Path disciples began confessing crimes.
The Righteous ones started understanding the crimes.
Bai Guo squawked, "WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT?!"
Li Ming blinked. "Rice."
"Just rice?!"
He nodded. "Balanced rice."
The bird fell over. "He’s doing it intentionally now!"
---
The next day, three elders from the Evil Academy and two from Azure Sky arrived simultaneously—each pretending not to know the other had come.
The Evil Elder stroked his beard. "Li Ming, this ’Enlightenment Soup’ you crafted... was it created using demonic dual-core resonance?"
Li Ming: "No, it was chicken."
The Azure Elder interjected, "Nonsense! It clearly carries the rhythm of the Righteous Path!"
Li Ming: "Still chicken."
Both elders turned to him. "Then what makes it divine?"
Li Ming thought seriously. "Simmer time. About an hour and a half."
The elders nodded sagely, pretending they understood.
"Ah, the hour-and-a-half principle. So profound."
Yin Qing muttered, "I hate this world."
---
By evening, disciples were meditating around empty bowls.
Some claimed to see visions of a lotus made of noodles.
Others said their qi flowed smoother when chewing.
Someone started chanting,
> "Boil in balance, stir in peace, consume without greed—"
Yin Qing snapped, "That’s a recipe, not a mantra!"
Li Ming exhaled. "At least they’re calm."
Bai Guo twitched. "You’ve accidentally founded the Culinary Cultivation Sect!"
Li Ming looked at the crowd thoughtfully. "Do they take naps?"
"Yes—between meals."
He nodded. "Acceptable."
---
By nightfall, he couldn’t walk ten steps without someone bowing.
Every disciple wanted a spoonful, every merchant wanted the recipe, and someone was already printing "Enlightenment Instant Soup" packets.
When Yin Qing found him hiding behind a tree, he was stirring cold tea with a stick.
She sighed. "You could end this by just saying it was luck."
He shook his head. "If I say that, they’ll call it ’The Dao of Luck.’"
She paused. "...You’re right."
They sat in silence.
"Next time," Li Ming muttered, "I’m making toast."
Bai Guo perked up. "Please don’t. Bread enlightenment sounds terrifying."
----
Morning sunlight pierced the clouds over the Academy of Elegant Malevolence.
It should’ve been peaceful. Birds should’ve been singing. Qi should’ve been circulating naturally.
Instead—
an entire courtyard of cultivators were screaming.
"WHO WROTE ’Li Ming Judging Techniques for Sect Efficiency’?!"
"Someone copied his grading sheet!"
"It’s being used to evaluate disciples in every class!"
---
Li Ming arrived just in time to see a terrified student holding a bamboo placard.
It read:
’Li Ming’s Official Judging Standards (Version 3.0)’
1. Power
2. Creativity
3. Emotional Damage
4. Narrative Impact
5. Plot Consistency
The student stammered, "S-senior! The Headmaster approved it!"
Li Ming blinked. "He what?"
Yin Qing stomped over, waving a scroll. "Do you have any idea how many students failed today because they lacked ’character development’ in their sword strikes?!"
He frowned. "That seems fair."
"FAIR?!" she barked. "A kid cried because his lightning technique had ’poor foreshadowing’!"
He shrugged. "Then he should work on setup and pacing."
Bai Guo buried its face under a wing. "He’s teaching literature to murder beams."
---
Headmaster Yan Luo descended from the sky with the grin of a man who’d discovered chaos and decided to franchise it.
"Li Ming, splendid idea!" he said. "I’ve implemented your judging method as part of our new Cultivation Curriculum Reform!"
"...You what?"
"Starting today, all combat evaluations include storytelling elements! Dual cultivation essays now require emotional damage! Alchemy exams will include a three-act structure!"
Li Ming stared blankly. "That sounds... educationally horrifying."
The Headmaster clapped him on the shoulder. "The Ministry of Cultivation approved it instantly! They said it promotes ’emotional damage.’"
Yin Qing looked seconds from combusting. "Do you realize what you’ve done?!"
Li Ming thought about it. "Accidentally reformed academia?"
---
By afternoon, two professors from rival departments had already challenged each other.
The Martial Instructor yelled, "Your grading system ruins the essence of power!"
The Literature Elder countered, "Your cultivation lacks thematic cohesion!"
They started fighting.
Each strike came with a shouted critique.
> "Weak emotional damage!"
"Your form lacks tension!"
"Poor pacing!"
Students took notes furiously.
Li Ming sighed. "At least they’re learning."
Yin Qing glared. "They’re quoting you as the founder of the Pedagogical Path!"
He blinked. "Pedago-what?"
"Education Dao!" she snapped. "You’ve made academia fashionable!"
Bai Guo twitched. "Truly the most dangerous path—bureaucratic enlightenment."
---
Later that evening, a group of robed officials landed dramatically outside the Academy gates — the Cultivation Education Bureau.
Their leader, a stern man with glasses (spiritual, not physical), announced,
"We have come to observe the ’Li Ming Standardization Initiative.’"
Li Ming rubbed his temple. "There’s an initiative now?"
"Yes," said the man seriously. "Your grading philosophy has been declared pedagogically revolutionary. You are to demonstrate live assessment of one student."
Yin Qing whispered, "You’re doomed."
He stood, looked at the trembling student before him, and asked, "Show me your technique."
The student swung a sword with impressive qi. A clean arc, pure intent.
Li Ming nodded. "Good form."
The inspector leaned forward. "And your score?"
Li Ming paused. "Hmm... visually strong, thematically repetitive, lacks emotional payoff. Seven out of ten."
The student collapsed.
The inspector gasped.
The Bureau scribes took notes like mad.
"Marvelous!" the official said. "True analytical depth! We must implement this nationwide!"
Li Ming blinked. "Wait—what?"
---
By the next day, every sect, school, and academy across the region was using "Li Ming’s Evaluation Doctrine."
Students were sobbing.
Teachers were confused.
Parents were meditating on narrative symbolism.
One desperate disciple even wrote a poem mid-duel to increase "emotional damage."
Yin Qing held her head in both hands. "He’s broken the education system."
Bai Guo sighed. "At least it’s balanced. Everyone’s equally miserable."
Li Ming sipped tea. "Balance achieved."
---
That night, he tried to resign.
He walked into the Headmaster’s office, handed in a neatly written resignation slip, and said,
"I would like to withdraw from all educational positions effective immediately."
The Headmaster nodded solemnly.
Then he turned the slip over. "You misspelled your name."
Li Ming blinked. "No, I didn’t."
"It’s written as ’Grand Scholar Li Ming, First of the Enlightened Faculty.’"
Li Ming froze. "...Who added that?"
The Headmaster smiled. "The Ministry of Education. Congratulations on your promotion."
Yin Qing walked in just to watch him suffer. "How does it feel to accidentally become a professor of cultivation theory?"
He stared at the ceiling. "I should’ve imploded when I had the chance."
To be continued...