Chapter 363: His grandfather died without a word
"The boy knew that they didn’t have a lot of money but even so, he wanted his grandfather to get better on time and not make things worse. He could sacrifice his meals for a week if he had to. But the problem was that they were already on a tightrope. Even when they ate, it was twice a day."
I felt a weight in my chest all of a sudden, but I scooped the third spoon, blew it, and then fed it to Seo-Jun.
He was attentively listening and didn’t ask any questions. He watched me, my breathing, the way my chest rose and fell, the way my eyes trembled every so slightly as I spoke, how I didn’t meet his gaze, and how I tried gulping down every now and then as if I had a dry throat, even when there was water right next to me.
He didn’t know what my issue was but felt he would know once the story ended, and that’s why he did not interrupt me for a minute.
"Anyways, the boy wished he would wake up one morning to find his grandfather whole and healthy but as anyone would expect, his condition grew worse. He was old, about 84 or so, so of course he needed extra care but even at that age, he was working to provide for his young grandson."
I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I shook them off and scooped more porridge.
"His grandfather kept insisting it was nothing and that he wouldn’t go to the hospital, even when he was unable to move and was in bed. He said it was a waste of money to do so, so he would rather recover at home, but he wasn’t recovering." My hands began to tremble as the thoughts flooded my mind. "The boy was worried and couldn’t even focus on school. He decided to take some time off from school and take care of his grandfather, even when there was an important exam coming up. Ah, how could he choose an exam over his grandfather, right?"
My heart was in disarray as I thought of what happened next.
"But do you know what his grandfather did? He scolded him. He told him to take care of his studies and not throw them away for a bag of bones. He told the boy off and that he didn’t need him to take care of him if he was going to miss his chance to advance to the next class, but... But... How could the boy even focus on studying when his grandfather had a severe dry cough at night and had heavy breath while sleeping? It was hard."
Ah, was this too much? I was telling a story of my life that just came back to me after a long time.
The memory... This heavy memory... How was I even able to erase it and live life normally?
Maybe if I keep going. If I keep talking about it, I will remember how I do it and I’ll try it again because I... I don’t want to remember those painful days.
"Anyway, the boy continued to take care of his grandfather who couldn’t even move from bed and all that." I continued, my hand trembling as I raised the spoon to feed Seo-Jun, but I couldn’t move it past a certain angle as tears unwillingly started rolling down my face. "But even after all that, his grandfather didn’t make it. He chased the boy to school that day and by the time... By the time..." My words choked me. "By the time he got back, his grandfather was already..."
Seo-Jun held my hand, took the spoon from me, and dropped it on the half-eaten porridge. It was nearly finished in fact.
I could’ve helped him finish it if my tears hadn’t rolled down like this.
But what could I do? My heart was feeling so sad and the weight was pressing so hard that I couldn’t do anything.
I grabbed my chest, my head bowed as I cried.
"His grandfather died without a word. The boy didn’t cry at first. More like he didn’t want to cry, thinking it was all a prank from his grandfather and none of it was real, but his grandfather wouldn’t get better so he ran to the neighbors. They came over and gave him the sad truth he was trying to run from."
I covered my face, shaking my head.
"The boy regretted not taking his grandfather to the hospital earlier. He regretted listening to him, that he would be fine when this became the endgame. Haha, but he thought it was all fake though. He still expected his grandfather to suddenly spring up from the bed, and even the stretcher the medics were taking him in, and laugh at him for falling for his prank. Even when he was lying in the coffin, even when he was about to be cremated, he thought all of this wasn’t reality. First, his parents abandoned him as a baby and then the only family he had, his grandfather, left him too. He was lost and..."
"Jo-Pil," Seo-Jun finally spoke, calling my name softly and tenderly but I didn’t raise my gaze.
I couldn’t.
I felt ashamed for claiming this was a story that had nothing to do with me and yet I was crying like a kid.
"Anyway, won’t you finish your porridge?" I asked without lifting my head. "There’s still a bit. I think you can eat a bit more."
"Jo-Pil," Still, he called my name tenderly, not even answering the question I had asked. "You shouldn’t continue anymore."
But I stubbornly shook my head.
"No, I can’t. I... I have to tell you the ending of it. Don’t you want to know why his grandfather was so stubborn not to go to the hospital?"
But Seo-Jun did not respond. I took that as a signal to continue and said,
"Well, he was old, as you know," I dried my tears with the back of my palm. It didn’t exactly get dry and rather smeared my tears all over my face but... "And because he was old, his time had come. It felt like his grandfather already knew about it so he didn’t want to waste money in the hospital. Rather, he wanted to die in a place he was most comfortable with. The house he lived in most of his life."
It was selfish.
I felt it was selfish.
To die there, knowing how heartbroken I would get after finding his dead body.
But he wanted to have a peaceful place to rest and not pay money to rest.
He knew his time was up so he didn’t want to waste the hard-earned money he had saved up for my future.
"Anyways, the boy got a letter after the funeral as well as a will. Do you know what that old man wrote in his letter for a 15 year old boy?"