Chapter 362: Are you asking why I’m trembling like this?
Hm, maybe I shouldn’t have paused but... Hearing his question brought back a memory that was buried deep in my heart and mind.
Not a memory from this life but a memory from the other world.
How did I even manage to forget about it when my heart was torn so much?
I previously mentioned how it felt like I was losing my memories from my life in the other world, and I could barely remember my life in college too.
It wiped up suspiciously so I didn’t even know if I had parents or if I had lived alone.
Parents... It never came to me then when I tried to think back on my life.
Maybe it was that world’s doing when it was fighting against me but...
No, it came back to me. A memory so painful that I wished it had stayed hidden.
I stumbled back a bit, my body trembling and Seo-Jun looked at me, confused and then worried.
"Jo-Pil, what’s wrong?"
"I..." I couldn’t even speak because I was having a hard time. My face lost its color right away and my eyes shook.
How did I forget? Why did I forget? No... Why did I remember?
It would’ve been better to erase it completely from my memory.
"Jo-Pil," he grabbed my hand and I jolted, looking up at him to find him seriously worried and staring with concern in his eyes. "What’s wrong?"
I had broken out in cold sweat.
It was just a memory. Just a memory. So why was it having such a heavy effect on me?
I tried to gulp down the saliva in my dry mouth but it dried off before it could even get to my throat.
"I... I’m fine,"
"Bullshit!" Seo-Jun snapped. "And why would I believe that after seeing you like this?"
"Ah, ah, that..." I turned my face away, my eyes still shaking as if I had remembered a horrible experience when it wasn’t even that horrible. Ah, what am I saying? It was both horrible and not horrible.
It was... Painful.
In any case, it had nothing to do with Seo-Jun.
"It’s my business," I said, pushing his chest back a bit. "Can you... Can you let go of my hand? You’re hurting me."
"Ah, sorry." He apologized and let go but then he grabbed my arms, right next to my shoulder. "Jo-Pil, what just happened?"
I looked into his concerned eyes. It looked like he wouldn’t let me off no matter what I said or did.
He would get to the bottom of it.
Seeing this, my heart began to calm down a bit. His care... It was a nice thing.
"Jo-Pil, you have to answer me." He said so I waved it off with my hand.
"I just... I learned all this from reading books." I said to him. "So you don’t have to worry."
"That’s not what I’m asking for an answer for." He said. And of course I knew that, I just... Didn’t want to talk about it.
Besides, the life I lived in this world and that world are different. If I say it was a past experience, he would get confused.
"Are you asking why I’m trembling like this?"
"Yes. You look like you just saw a ghost." He said and I darted my eyes away. My reaction was a bit over exaggerated, but I guess it was the sudden realization of that memory that hit me more.
"Seo-Jun, can I tell you a story?" I asked but he looked at me silently, not saying yes or no. Simply staring in concern. "I’ll take that as a yes but I’ll feed you while I say it. I don’t want your porridge to get cold." I faintly smiled at him but this only caused him to worry more.
Still, he couldn’t push forward if I had already given such a simple condition. So, he let go of my arms and I went to the table and picked up the bowl.
It was still steaming nicely. Good for a sick person to eat right away.
"Come sit," I said to him while tapping the bed and he obeyed with no questions.
I sat next to him in the bed, facing him with the tray in front of me and the bowl in my hand.
"You know... There’s a story I heard,"
"Not your story?"
"Does it matter?" I asked, smiling dryly and this made his eyebrows knit together. "I’d like to think it isn’t my story and I’m not saying it’s mine either but... Think whatever you want."
I confused him on purpose because I felt Seo-Jun would be able to tell if I was speaking from personal experience or from a book I had read.
"You see, there was this 15-year-old boy. He was in his last year of middle school and living with his grandfather. He didn’t have any parents and lived a hard life with his struggling grandfather. Though they lived a hard life, the boy was content and he studied hard so he would be able to help his grandfather better."
I dipped the spoon in the bowl, scooped out a spoonful, and then directed it to my mouth, blowing on it softly.
"He was an obedient boy, too, and loved his grandfather." I stretched the spoon towards Seo-Jun. "Here, it’s not that hot."
Seo-Jun opened his mouth and ate the porridge, since it looked like that was the only way he would hear the rest of the story.
"And so, life continued like normal until his grandfather got sick. It didn’t seem like anything serious, and while the best thing to do was to go to the hospital right away, his grandfather waved it off, saying it was just a little sickness. He would be able to get better by taking the meds from the pharmacy at the corner. He said going to the hospital would only be wasting money."
As I said those words, it felt like a lump had formed in my throat, so I swallowed. I swallowed hard while scooping from the bowl a second time and blew on it.
"Here’s the second one," I said and brought the spoon to Seo-Jun’s mouth, and while I was doing this, I did not meet Seo-Jun’s eyes even once.