Chapter 403: The fear of nature
Silas’s fingers tinkered with the brooch he had pinned back to her chest after helping her get into another dress.
Twiddling with the vial of his own blood chained around her neck came naturally as his second target.
"So, are you cozy and comfortable enough to elaborate now?" he asked, his other hand going behind her to fondle her back and hips as she sat upon his lap.
Her eyes darted from the highest button on the collar of his vest to the silver stripes on his shoulders, then back to that same button again.
It was as though those two things were the most interesting thing in the world.
But Silas knew better than to believe that. Her silence had nothing to do with her being distracted and he was right.
By then her lungs had returned to pumping just the right amount of air through her veins after the sniveling and the tears resulting from their... Exercise had been wiped.
Arabella’s brain leaped between bringing Erik’s case as it was the obvious and easiest starter or attempt to put into words what truly weighed her heart down.
"I’ve worn these stripes ever since the end of the war," he broke the stifling quiet that had conquered the room.
Her gemstones snapped from the stripes up to meet his eyes, "Awarded for your bravery and contribution," she half asked, her gaze falling back onto his shoulder.
"For my monstrosity rather," he corrected.
That got her full attention again.
"All warriors have been decorated with red stripes for the blood of the enemy that they helped shed. Mine were an exception. I worked alone on the field until Cynric joined the ranks," his thumb rose to caress her lips as he spoke, "He too got stripes but since he forsook all forms of dressing in favor of his own fur, you won’t see them on him,"
Arabella bit down on the inner walls of her mouth for a few seconds before asking the question that gnawed at her since he made a mention of the fact, "When you say, for your monstrosity, do you mean...?" she trailed off without finding the words to finish it.
"I avoided children as much as I could and women too since they weren’t enlisted as warriors. Even when they held weapons in front of me, it was due to fear, and most hadn’t the slightest clue how to wield it. Some surprised me but it was clear they had no interest in actually fighting me, just trying to buy time for themselves or families to get away,"
The follow up question that popped in her mind had to do with his worst kill ever or the worst position he’d ever been put in where he was forced to take a life he didn’t wish to end, but her vocal cords tightened, allowing not a hiss of it through.
Instead, what tumbled out was a snippet of what she’d been preparing to say before their current subject matter came to being discussed, "I am not my mother!" she blurted.
It confused her just as much as it seemed to confuse him, "What?"
After opening and closing her mouth many times in a row, Arabella managed to align some words, "I don’t think I need to describe the kind of life my mother had with my father since you know how she ended up,"
His fingers gently pushed a strand of hair away from her face, "I am aware that she felt compelled to take her own life, but we never went any deeper than that,"
"I am sorry, I am bringing this up. It is simply that I have no idea where to start in order to express what aches me,"
"Don’t apologize," he smiled, "You can bring it up whenever you feel comfortable doing so,"
"It came out of its own accord. Ada’s words and advice on the matter still blare in my ears, but what I meant to say is... I feared leading a life similar to hers. In a way, I still fear it,"
"Do I share any similarities with your father?"
To that, the answer came easy, "No! Thank goodness," she squeaked, a tad red in the face.
Those words put a smile back on his face, "Good to know,"
Their voices rested as their brains churned the next thing to say until one of them was done constructing their sentence.
"What is it exactly that you fear?" he asked, "As elevated as my senses can be, I will never be able to read your mind,"
Arabella turned and tossed every start to the matter possible, but what he’d just uttered served as a good springing board, "I think I fear just that, actually. I fear the inferiority of my senses leaves me standing in a spot that is rather far... Behind or beneath you. It grants my word very little weight as opposed to yours on the scale of things," after a short pause she continued on unloading what burdened her, "The way you spoke yesterday when we were in the questioning room made me feel as if I was... Still one of your servants,"
Her eyes caught the way his facial muscles had twitched, but she carried on, nonetheless, "As though, I could make suggestions, yes, but that your word would be the final one no matter whether I disagreed or had anything else to say and if... I wouldn’t know how to bring that up with a human man I thought that with a vampire it was even more ridiculous to expect us to have the same power of vote, let’s just say it like that,"
His mother had been right all along. She did feel less than due to her nature and her upbringing did not help the matter.
"To be honest with you, I did expect that to be the issue, but I did not want to believe it," his fingers focused on soothing her quivering chin, "I kept waiting for you to yell or hurl something in my direction, but you never did," the knitted eyebrows on her prompted him to elaborate, "My parents had a particular way of solving their disagreements,"