Chapter 368: But I’m not mad though
I don’t understand.
What kind of pervert gets hard when they see something like that?
I guess he was, but still...
"I don’t know why but I know I got a reaction from you. You didn’t look too different from the test because of your haggard appearance but for some reason, that happened. It made me think that you were the one I needed."
"Hm, are you telling me you had no other thought after getting hard?" I asked, resting my palm on my cheek and he darted his eyes away. A clear sign of guilt. "Come on, spit it out. Don’t stop halfway."
Seo-Jun covered his mouth. This was hard for him, I could see it. He was being considerate of me and yet I was probing so damn much. What was he going to do?
"Jo-Pil, do you... Do you really want to hear what I was thinking about?" He asked and I nodded eagerly. "Even if it’s something bad."
"Your whole existence was bad to begin with so just spit it out. I won’t be surprised no matter what I hear." I boldly and confidently said.
I mean it. I already passed through all of it. I already know what they did to me during the original so I don’t think I would be surprised hearing him say it.
"Okay," he said and dropped his hand, looking at me with a serious gaze.
It suddenly made me feel pressured. He didn’t need to look so serious. No one was dying.
"In that moment, I... I thought that I wouldn’t mind grabbing your chained hands and fucking you from behind so hard that you’d beg me to stop, and I wouldn’t." He began and I gulped. Even if I knew about it, it felt so much different when he said it from his own mouth. "I wanted to gag you, choke you, play with you while you resisted with all your might..." He shoved his fingers through his hair. Did he have to be sexy at a time like this? "I wanted to knock you up a couple of times and make you carry my babies and then I’d make sure you couldn’t do without my cock, and—"
"Alright, that’s enough," I stopped him, my hand on my face. "I’ve heard enough."
Yeah, hearing it definitely hits different from when I actually remembered him doing it.
"You see. I didn’t want to say it cause I knew you’d be mad." He said but I dropped my hand.
"But I’m not mad though," I said to him. "I just... I need time to process all the cruel things I would’ve faced at your hands if I didn’t turn out different from the submissive slave you expected."
"Oh!"
Yes, oh.
Sigh.
My life would’ve definitely been horrible to no end.
"Anyway, that’s why you got hard at that time, right?" I asked and he nodded. "And you decided you were going to bid for me?"
"Yes, I was going to buy them Ki-hoon raised his paddle first." He said and clicked his tongue. "I don’t even want to begin how much of a battle went on because all four of us wanted you and no one else." Wow, I feel so honored. "If we continued bidding, we would’ve made quite a huge mess so Jin-Yeok decided we come to an agreement."
And that’s how they all decided to ’share’ me. How cute.
"Seo-Jun, you had those thoughts at the beginning and I think if you were still so desperate, when you arrived at the mansion, you would’ve taken me despite what anyone else said. But you seemed more... Docile."
"Yeah, I noticed and I was also confused. Even if they weren’t in favor of my actions, it wasn’t to the point where I would listen. Even you fighting me off with words wouldn’t be able to stop me but it did." He explained. "I no longer felt that explosive urge to make you mine and fuck you as mercilessly as I imagined."
Let’s try censoring a few things, shall we? His words just felt too aggressive for my heart to handle.
"Maybe it was because you beat me up so much." He said and I hid my face from my past. Gosh, he didn’t have to bring it up. He laughed, seeing my reaction. "It was probably thanks to that. After we had our bout in our first meeting, it was as if I was once again living by my preference where I didn’t want to force a person who wasn’t willing."
But you sure did a bunch of things I wasn’t willing to do. I narrowed my eyes.
"This topic is quite heavy," he said and I nodded. "Jo-Pil, I did say I’ll never regret buying you as a slave but I do have my regrets."
"Hm, what regrets?"
He paused for a moment, staring into my eyes, and then leaned in to kiss my forehead.
"I regret my own thoughts." He said. "I regret that I saw you as a mere tool to feed my desire and how I wanted to destroy you before I even got to know you."
My heart felt warm hearing that. It made me glad that he had such regrets.
"Well, let’s be glad that none of it happened."
"Yes, if it did, I would’ve lost you before I even came to value you."
I paused for a moment and then narrowed my eyes down to my hands.
In the original, he did lose me. He lost me before he came to understand my value and that broke him. He felt empty and wished for a do-over. If he could start over, he would make it right.
But even that wish, he felt he had no right to make such a wish since the wrong he had committed was just too much.
"I’m glad you turned out the way you did and didn’t let me break you." He said, kissing my hand and I thought with a bleak heart,
’I turned out the way I did because you already broke me once, Seo-Jun. You and the rest of my masters.’ I smiled, masking the little pain in my thought.
It was already late. It was better to just let go of everything else and have a good night’s sleep.
I already heard what I wanted to hear from him and I’m glad.
"Jo-Pil," Seo-Jun suddenly called and I lifted my head.
"Hm?"
"Did you hate me?" He asked and I froze. Why did he suddenly ask that? My heart felt uncomfortable but I tried to shake it off.
The corner of my lips tugged up into a nice smile and I answered,
"Not anymore."
I think this is the best response I can give him.